“If it happened, then it was meant to happen, and I am glad that it did when it did. I am meant to make the best of it.” | Ryan Holiday.
Back in early 2020, during a layover in Brussels, I went to the bookstore and bought three books. One of them was «Everything is F*cked: A Book About Hope» by Mark Manson. In Chapter 6 on this book, The Formula of Humanity, Manson explores Friedrich Nietzsche's concept of Amor Fati—the love of one’s fate. The idea instantly resonated with me, coming at a time of deep uncertainty and doubt. Since then, Amor Fati has become one of my favorite Stoic principles—a constant reminder to embrace everything life throws my way, both the good and the bad. One year ago, I went to a jewelry store to get a bracelet engraved and when I told the saleswoman that I wanted to write Amor Fati on it, she assumed it was about romantic love. She even asked me: Who is Fati? But, after I explained, she seemed puzzled and asked: Can we really love everything life throws at us? Loving the good is easy, but embracing the ‘bad’ requires more than just a willingness—it demands a profound shift in perspective. In this article, we are going to explore what it truly means to love one’s fate, even when life tests us the most.
The Three Morai.
In Greek mythology, the span of a person’s life was controlled by three goddesses. The Moirai, or Fates as they are known in English, wove the threads of fate on a great loom. The three Fates were sisters.
— Clotho or the spinner: spun the thread of life from her distaff onto her spindle. At the moment of birth, she created the thread of a person’s lifetime.
— Lachesis or the drawer of lots: measured each thread.
— Atropos or the unturning: cut each thread at the appointed length, setting the person’s death.
The most important role of the three Fates was to ensure that each person lived the correct portion of life that was assigned to them. The time of birth, the length of life, and the time of death were their domains. The Greeks often thought of fate as unchangeable, but this was not always the case. The Moirai answered to Zeus, who had the power to change the length of a thread and where it was cut. Even in the moments before Atropos snipped the thread, Zeus could intervene to make it longer. As agents of Zeus, the main purpose of the three Fates was to ensure that all lives were measured according to natural law. Avoiding one’s fated lifespan or changing that of another person was a violation of the natural order and a direct offense against the gods.
For Carl Jung, on the other hand, fate is not just an external force, but also a reflection of our internal state that we have yet to bring into awareness. In other words, we might unknowingly contribute to our own misfortunes and label them as bad luck, injustice, or fate. How we respond to the events in our lives is vital, and striving for self-awareness can help us navigate the balance between feeling powerless and trying to exert control. Ultimately, we are encouraged to accept life as it is, rather than how we wish it to be. This involves moving beyond ego-centric thinking to uncover the inner essence that Jung referred to as the Self. By acknowledging that we are part of a greater whole, we can embrace our true nature, affirm life despite its harsh realities, and love our fate.
Amor Fati: Love Your Fate.
“My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it—all idealism is mendaciousness in the face of what is necessary—but love it” | Friedrich Nietzsche.
Nietzsche's idea of Amor Fati is a fundamental element of his philosophy. Essentially, Amor Fati signifies a readiness to embrace and accept every facet of life, encompassing both the positive and the negative, as essential parts of our personal and shared existence. For Nietzsche, Amor Fati embodies a profound reconsideration of how we perceive life and existence. Instead of seeing life as a sequence of arbitrary and meaningless occurrences or as a battle against a detached or adversarial universe, Nietzsche argued that people should embrace and affirm all dimensions of life, including its tragedies and challenges.
>> Flip the script: What if it was all a matter of perspective?
“The only thing you have control over is perspective. You don’t have control over your situation. But you have a choice about how you view it.” | Chris Pine
Perspective is indeed crucial. By altering how you view situations, you can improve your life. Perhaps the person who cut in line has someone ill waiting for them. Maybe those who hurt you didn't intend to. Or they are simply a**holes lol. Regardless, while you may not have control over what happens to you, you certainly have the power to choose how to perceive those events. It's straightforward to recognize the positive for what it is: positive. However, it’s more challenging to see 'negative' experiences as something different. One lesson I've learned is that we don't have to be grateful for everything in our lives. Instead, focus on finding the good within those experiences, learn from them, and let go of the rest. As Brianna Wiest said in Day 11 of the Pivot Year:
“You do not have to be grateful for what you survived, for what you didn't know, for the lessons learned too hard. You do not have to be grateful for the unfairness, to live in a world that does not value dignity the way it should, a world that has lost its soul. But even in the midst of the storm, when you stumble upon a glimmer of appreciation, I hope you will hold onto that. I hope you will know that it is as real as anything else.”
>> Amor Fati as a daily practice.
Understanding that we should embrace our fate is one thing, but putting it into practice is quite another. Change won't happen by magic simply because you've decided to love your fate. The philosophy of Amor Fati requires commitment, willingness, and practice. Don't be concerned if you are not perfect at it; you are not meant to. However, it's important to make an effort and keep moving forward, especially when it seems challenging. Here are three steps to assist you on your journey.
Step 1: Acceptance—Become a Yes-sayer.
acceptance: taking a stance of non-judgmental awareness and actively embracing the experience of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they occur.
“I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor Fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.”
Acceptance involves maintaining an open mind and practicing humility. It does not imply that you approve of the current situation or that you wish for things to remain unchanged. Rather, acceptance means perceiving events as they unfold, without allowing your emotions to cloud your judgment. It is about recognizing reality in its true form, without resistance or denial. It’s about acknowledging, “This is what is happening right now.” Acceptance should not be confused with passivity; instead, it is a powerful choice. It is a deliberate action! True acceptance is an active process, requiring a conscious recognition of the present moment, which then allows you to determine the most effective steps to achieve your objectives.
Step 2: Gratitude—Count your blessings.
gratitude: (also gratefulness, uk/ˈɡreɪt.fəl.nəs/ us/ˈɡreɪt.fəl.nəs/): the state of being grateful : thankfulness.
thankful: thankful, thank·ful: conscious of benefit received.
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” | Melody Beattie.
Practicing gratitude involves acknowledging and valuing all experiences, which can lead to increased happiness and well-being. Grateful individuals tend to cope better with stress and exhibit greater psychological resilience. By consistently practicing gratitude, we train ourselves to see the inherent value in every situation, making it a crucial step toward fully embracing Amor Fati.
Step 3: Resilience—Find meaning.
resilience: (also formal resiliency, uk/rɪˈzɪl.jən.si/ us/rɪˈzɪl.jən.si/): the ability to be happy, successful, etc. again after something difficult or bad has happened.
“Count it all joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” | James 1:2-4 NIV.
By developing resilience, we enhance our ability to navigate life's adversities, viewing challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles. This mindset aligns with Amor Fati, which encourages acceptance and even love for all life events, seeing them as integral to our personal journey. Practicing resilience involves acknowledging difficulties, managing our reactions, and maintaining a focus on what we can control.
In this article, we've explored Amor Fati, the Stoic principle of embracing one's fate, recognizing that life encompasses both joy and hardship. This concept encourages us to accept and love all aspects of our experiences, not as a call for passive resignation, but as an invitation to approach life with openness and humility. By adopting Amor Fati, we learn to see challenges as opportunities for growth, fostering resilience and a deeper appreciation for the journey of life. As Friedrich Nietzsche expressed, it involves wanting “nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity.” Thank you for reading. May you find strength in embracing your fate. God bless you, take care.
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