“Every day someone wakes up not knowing it is their last day on earth; nobody promises tomorrow.” ― Allene vanOirschot.
One month ago, someone dear to me passed away. Despite the overwhelming grief and pain of unexpectedly having to say goodbye to him, his death and the void he left in the heart of the ones who love him have prompted me to contemplate my own mortality. I wondered, so? As him, I too will someday embark on that final journey? When? How? What will I become and what about the ones who cares for me? How will they feel? Tho it can be a scary thought, I have realized that it doesn't always have to lead to despair and melancholy, because as Francois Cheng said, think about death, is thinking about life, and the Stoics got it...
Hominem te esse memento. Memento mori!
“Respice post te. Hominem te esse memento. Memento mori!”
It is believed that Memento Mori originated from an ancient Roman tradition where, after achieving a significant military victory, the triumphant military generals were celebrated by being paraded through the streets while the masses cheered. This ceremonial procession, which could last an entire day, involved the military leader riding in a chariot pulled by four horses, which was considered a highly esteemed honor. The general was idolized and seen as divine by both his troops and the public. However, accompanying the revered general in the same chariot was a slave. The slave had the sole responsibility throughout the entire procession to continuously whisper in the general's ear : “Respice post te. Hominem te esse memento. Memento mori!” meaning:
“Look behind. Remember thou art mortal. Remember you must die!”
The servant served as a reminder to the conqueror in the height of triumph that the divine reverence bestowed upon him wouldn't last forever, yet the reality of his mortality will remain. The idea is that by embracing the awareness of mortality, we can lead lives imbued with greater purpose, steering clear of squandering our valuable time on trivial matters.
“It’s easy to lose track of that mortality, to forget time, to think that you’re going to live forever. The idea that you’re gonna die and that life is short is only depressing if you’re thinking about it wrong. If you’re thinking about it right it should give you a sense of priority. It should even give you a sense of meaning; it should let you know what’s important, what you’re trying to do while you’re here on this planet.” — Ryan Holiday.
Memento Mori, Memento Vivere.
“Memento Mori” and “Memento Vivere” are two sides of the same coin, each offering a valuable perspective on life and death. “Memento Vivere,” which translates to “remember to live,” is a phrase that serves as a reminder to make the most of life, since death is everywhere. Unlike “Memento Mori,” which emphasizes the inevitability of death, “Memento Vivere” encourages people to celebrate life and live every moment with intention and joy. In the modern world, “Memento Vivere” is an antidote to the human tendency to postpone life and happiness until the future. It is an invitation to live in the present, appreciate every moment, and pursue a life of purpose and joy. Acknowledging death should not be a source of fear, but rather an encouragement to live fully. When entrepreneur, author and speaker Gary Vaynerchuk was asked to give three inspirational words to someone, he said: “You're going to die.” Gary later explains this by saying:
“The reason I believe in it (death as motivation) is because it’s ultimately practical. It’s the guiding light and the fire and ambition that drives me toward legacy and living my best life.”
Memento Mori, Memento Vivere, Carpe Diem.
This Latin saying first appears in the Odes (lyric poems) composed by the poet Horace during the reign of the emperor Augustus. The poem in which it appears, Ode 11, dates to 23 BC, which was an important year in Roman history. For this was the year Rome’s first emperor Augustus assumed the title of princeps (or ‘first citizen’), the title of which gives us the word ‘prince’, effectively marking the end of the Roman Republic and the beginning of the Roman Empire. The poem goes like as:
Tu ne quaesieris (scire nefas) quem mihi, quem tibi finem di dederint, Leuconoe, nec Babylonios temptaris numeros. Ut melius quicquid erit pati! Seu pluris hiemes seu tribuit Iuppiter ultimam, quae nunc oppositis debilitat pumicibus mare
Tyrrhenum, sapias, vina liques et spatio brevi spem longam reseces.
Dum loquimur, fugerit invida aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.
“Please don’t ask Leuconoe – the gods don’t wish it to be known – what end they have given me or you, and don’t dabble with Babylonian calculations. How much better to accept whatever comes, whether Jupiter grants us more winters or this is our last, which is now wearying the Tyrrhenian sea on the pumice rocks opposing it. Be wise, strain the wine, and, since time is short, renounce extended hope. Envious time flies as we speak; pluck the day trusting as little in the future as possible.”
Horace uses the metaphor of wine and fruit to suggest living for today because life is short and future plans may not come to fruition. In Latin, the phrase is rich with imagery. It conveys the idea of picking fruit the moment it is ripe and not waiting until its best has passed. And so the ancient meaning of Carpe Diem was to live in the fullness of the moment—to pluck the day and not trusting too much in tomorrow. That shouldn't be an excuse for making reckless decisions; rather, it should serve as a reminder to make the most out of every single day we're given.
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” — Marcus Aurelius.
💡 STOP wasting your LIFE (2024) — Prince EA
The pain of those who remain...
When facing a loss, we confront a myriad of conflicting emotions. Death spares no household or heart, touching every corner of existence. People navigate grief in diverse ways; some retreat into silence, while others express their sorrow openly. In an attempt to assuage pain we often tell ourselves: “Don't be sad; they wouldn't want to see you that way”. Coping mechanisms vary, from seeking distraction to confronting the pain head-on. There's no universal formula for handling grief. It's essential to give yourself space to experience the full range of emotions necessary for healing and moving forward. As Earl Grollman aptly observed,
“Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity. The only cure to grief is to grieve.”
At times, it may seem tempting to shield our hearts from the pain of loss by closing ourselves off to love and attachment. Yet, such a strategy is neither feasible nor desirable. For to live is to love, and to love is to live. As everything comes with a cost,
“Grief is the price we pay for love.” — E.A. Bucchianeri
Should we regret loving deeply? No. Instead, we should cherish the moments and experiences shared with those we've lost. But also, even before experiencing loss, as we are reminded by the Stoics to —seize the day, we should also invest fully in the relationships that truly matter to us. While it may be challenging amidst the busyness of life, we should do our best to maintain close and genuine connections with our loved ones. Regular calls, visits, and genuine presence... For in times of grief, nothing is more painful than the haunting thought of : If only...
In memory of Mr. Issa Joseph PARE,
May your soul rest in eternal peace...
【I also have a thought for my little cousin Abdel, my grandmother Josephine, my great-grandmother Suzanne, my aunties Safi and Mamou, Lt-Col Ismael Touhogobou etc. I miss y'all so bad and hope that wherever you are, you are happy, you are at peace. Love ♥︎ 】
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