“Marriage is a life within a life” —Honoré de Balzac
On June 24, we had the grace to celebrate the Pearl Anniversary of my dearest parents: Karim and Yvonne. On this occasion, I had the idea of interviewing them, so that they could tell us about themselves, and share with us their advice for a successful marriage. Of course, every couple and every marriage is different, but I wanted everyone to be able to draw inspiration from their history, just as I draw inspiration from them every day. 30 years of marriage, 30 years of togetherness, 30 years of love, summarized with all my passion in the next few lines. Let's discover or rediscover the DEME couple, through these 30 questions. Thank you for joining me. Note that a surprise awaits the most enduring of you, at the end of the article. Enjoy!
Question 0: Introduce yourself to our readers.
Speaker 1: I'm Yvonne L. Sarata KABORE, wife of Karim DEME. I was born in Ouagadougou. I am the daughter of the late Issa Alexandre KABORE and the late Joséphine KOURAOGO. I grew up in Ouagadougou. I did my primary, secondary, and higher education in Ouagadougou. I'm married to a lovely husband, and mother of six children, six lovely children, and I live in Ouagadougou.
Speaker 2: My name is Karim DEME. I'm an entrepreneur by profession. I was born in Ouagadougou. Son of the late Issaka DEME and Bintou NIKIEMA. I went to elementary school at Ecole Bilbalgho and then did my high school at Collège Louis Pasteur (Newton) and Collège de Lasalle. I continued my university studies at the University of Ouagadougou, which at the time was ESSEC(Ecole Supérieure des Sciences Economiques). Then I finished my studies in Paris at the University of Paris II.
At present, I'm in the field of entrepreneurship, where I created the company ECR/BTPI, which I've been running for almost 30 years. I'm also president of the Point Focal, an association that campaigned for the resumption of diplomatic relations between Burkina Faso and the People's Republic of China. I'm married to my lovely wife. The fruits of our love are six: five girls and a boy.
Question 1: Can you tell us the story of how you met?
Karim: We met by chance actually. I used to meet her most often on my way to school. Always on her moped, she'd dust me off every time she passed me. I used to wonder: who is that one who passes me every time and then dusts me off? But anyway, it was just a comment. Then one day, as I was on my way back home, I saw her big sister C. standing in front of their door with a friend of hers I knew, the late B. I stopped to say hello to them, and while we were talking, Yvonne stopped by to say hello before going inside. After that, I got to know her big brother. Another day, I was again on my way home and I stopped to say hello. And that's when I found Yvonne and her sisters sitting with a classmate who was explaining math to them. Well, I looked at the blackboard and everything he'd written was nonsense. I couldn't help but feel compelled to intervene. I flaunted my mathematical skills with a CQFD at the end (laughs) and left. They were all impressed, and that's how, from time to time, his big brother, the late M., would come to my place for math explanations. Later on, Yvonne followed so that I could give her lessons too. So that's how we evolved: in a teacher-student relationship, right through to university. One day, I had to take a make-up exam. As I was getting ready, Yvonne came by to encourage me. I don't know what triggered me that day, but I asked her for a kiss to cheer me up, and she refused. But a more or less polite refusal. Because she told me I had to stay focused for my exam. Then I asked her: “If I pass the session, what's going to happen?” She replied: “We'll see.” That galvanized me even more and I told myself that I mustn't miss that exam. I took it and I think she must have been the one who went to look at the results. And then I asked for my kiss at the same time. And that was the beginning of the beginning.
Question 2: What were your first impressions of X?
Yvonne: My first impressions of Karim were that he's handsome, he's tall, he overshadowed me (laughs). I also noticed his calmness. As soon as you see him, you know he's someone who doesn't talk much. He was calm, so I said to myself, that's a temperament you look for in a home, in a couple. Self-control. I said to myself that he's someone who'd control himself well and that we could make an impeccable duo (laughs). On the other hand, I could already see that he was a nice guy and I wasn't wrong. He's kind, he's adorable, he's calm, he's attentive to his wife and children.
Karim: I think that when we first met, I found that Yvonne was very attentive to me. The proof is that when she visited me, she always brought me some rather special fruit: cinnamon apples, which I got to know thanks to her. I found her very thoughtful. When I went to university, she often brought me little dishes. She also had a very calm temperament. And she was cultured enough to know what she wanted in life. I thought she had a good education. She didn't have bad company. And added to that, I think concerning her beauty there was nothing to say.
Question 3: When did you know you were getting married?
Karim: I think it was in the back of our minds right from the start. Because I was lucky enough to have a wife who knew what she wanted in life. We didn't assume that we were going to have fun. I think we set the scene right from the start. I was determined to make her my future wife. The feeling was mutual too. There wasn't even any doubt about it. We were committed to marriage from the start, and I can say that we were in such a hurry that if it hadn't been for my parents' reluctance, by the time I was 25 we would have already been married.
Question 4: How was your engagement ceremony?
Karim: The engagement wasn't easy at all. Because I have to point out that even though we got engaged with the aim of getting married, we came up against quite a few obstacles. Among them were our parents. It was more on my side because my father didn't want me to marry a Christian woman. So he was categorically opposed. For my mom, there was no problem, but for my dad, it was much more complicated, and that's what even delayed the engagement process. He thought that with time, I would become disenchanted and find a Muslim woman. But time didn't get the better of our relationship. Quite the opposite, in fact. We went through a lot of people to convince my father. Things dragged on for at least three or four years, until the day we agreed to do the PPS, which took place in Pouytenga. When we arrived that day, the in-laws gave us the conditions, and one of the conditions I found rather peculiar was to bring a goat with big testicles (laughs).
So it was that we completed the formalities and met the parents. I remember that, during the ceremony, I was approached by Yvonne's parents who wanted to know my vision of our future relationship, given that we had agreed together that Yvonne would convert. They knew that Muslims were allowed to have several wives, and were concerned about this. But I reassured them that I, in my heart and in the eyes of God, was committed to having one wife and one wife only. Quite apart from this question, I'd like to add that, as we'd gone to the village where Yvonne's father was buried, I spent five or ten minutes at his grave on the way back. That day, I vowed to love and cherish his last daughter. And to have her as my one and only wife.
Yvonne: By the way, the goat's testicles are there to prevent him from having a hernia if I have a boy. That's the explanation they give. Girls are fine, but if you have a boy, he could have a hernia.
Question 5: Did something unexpected happen on your wedding day?
Yvonne: The unexpected thing was that I arrived late at the town hall. Almost 30 minutes late. In trying to make myself sublime, I hadn't realized that we'd gone past the hour. It took my sister to come all the way to the salon to tell us to hurry up because everyone was already there. The mayor, the family, and so on. I was the only one missing.
Question 6: How did you manage the conflicts in your relationship?
Yvonne: We managed them with wisdom, tolerance, forgiveness, and understanding.
“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” — Ruth Bell Graham.
Question 7: How does technological change impact your relationship?
Karim: I'd say that technological evolution has helped strengthen our relationship. Because when we wanted to take a step back in time to contact each other, what did we have to do? There were telephones, but they weren't cell phones, and not everyone had landlines. I had one because the office was also my father's office. But it costs so much. There was also the post office. But letters took a week to ten days to arrive in Europe. So I felt that this way of communicating created a gulf between people. It's not like today, where as soon as we need each other, it's instantaneous. We communicate, we see each other on the phone, and that makes the impact of distance less perceptible when I travel. By the second, we always have each other's news, by the second, we can say the sweetest things we want to each other. So I can say that technological evolution has a very positive impact on bringing people closer together, on bringing couples closer together.
Yvonne: I would agree with Karim. The impact of technological evolution at our level has been quite positive. As he said, it keeps us close. On the negative side, I don't see it because each of us, through trust, doesn't try to find out what's on the other's phone. So I tend to see the positive side.
Question 8: What has been the best part of your marriage so far?
Yvonne: For me, I liken marriage to school. I divide it into three parts, the first part being revisions. So no stress. The second part, for me, is really the apprenticeship, and that requires self-sacrifice, which is often not easy because there are often two different characters and two different upbringings. Everyone comes from different backgrounds, so you have to reconcile all that. So it's true that you've lived together, friendship and all, but it's different because now you're sharing the same bed, the same house. So you have to reconcile two different moods. In the third part, you know each other. Everyone knows what the other wants, and it all becomes routine. You understand each other better and it's easier. Life together becomes more interesting. Here too, you're no longer bickering, you're just trying to please each other. It's the whole package. As far as I'm concerned, you can't dissociate the first, the second and all that. It's a continuum. You need the first to make the second, you need the second to make the third. So for me, everything is beautiful.
Karim: For my part, I didn't live this period in stages, because I think that once the love was sealed, once the marriage was sealed, I had a greater concern. What was my biggest concern? It was how to live up to this union and how to succeed in life. How to secure our children's future. That was the essence of my existence, my dreams and my battle. And during these 30 years...
You have to know that we didn't know each other when I was rich, we knew each other in sobriety. We shared meals together, we shared our savings together. Often, when Yvonne stayed at school to study, I'd share the little food my mother brought me with her. This means that we weren't financially well off to tell ourselves that the future was all rosy. We had to be very determined to succeed, and each of us had to commit to our objectives. We agreed together that the children's success was our compass. So we couldn't have two people in the family who were fighting and wouldn't have enough time to ensure a better education for the children. Because I was at work, and if she had to be at work too, it wasn't going to be an easy thing. So she agreed to sacrifice herself, to sacrifice her professional life for our children. I, for my part, also agreed to make sacrifices to succeed and provide the means necessary for the family, and especially for her. Because, given that she didn't have the choice of being able to exercise a profession, passing a competitive examination to be in an office, I didn't want her to be frustrated compared to her classmates who went on and passed competitive examinations and who are in public administration or in companies. So I had to make sure that she never regretted her choice, and I did my best to respect the commitment we made together. I hope I was up to the task. I'm still fighting, even though I'm retired. My wish after this retirement is that we can have time for ourselves now. If the children are happy to relieve me of this onerous task, I think the rest of our time now is to live and enjoy ourselves, because you (the children) came too soon. You've ruined our business (laughs). So to sum up, for me, life and every day is paradise. You mustn't think that paradise will come after five years, ten years, or whatever. You have to live your life in such a way as to make the most of every day.
Question 9: What were the ten most memorable moments in your relationship?
Yvonne: For me, the most memorable moments in our relationship were when we first got to know each other, when he went off to study, when he told me that on his return from PPS, he'd gone to pay his respects at my Dad's grave to tell him that he was going to take good care of me. And then, well, I jumped! Then there's when his father agreed that we could finally do the paperwork. There's our wedding. Our ten years of marriage. And then there's the birth of our children. It's all listed in a bit of a jumble. So yes, the birth of our children. And then our pearl anniversary.
Karim: Personally, I think the most memorable moments were, first of all, getting permission to do the PPS, after a number of ups and downs. Because it wasn't a foregone conclusion. We even said to ourselves that if this PPS didn't work out and the parents didn't want it, we'd choose another route, but not the route of separating. But that's a private matter (laughs). The second point was the wedding day, obviously. The third point, which was a very significant moment, was the birth of our first child, which was really a very difficult moment, because as a young couple, we didn't really know what was going on. We went to Saint Camille. It took almost 24 hours. In the meantime, they put us in the ambulance to transfer us from Saint Camille to Yalgadho. It was a cross and a banner. I was outside and it lasted so long. At one point, they talked about doing a Caesarean section. But I was afraid, because, with the meagre explanations I had at the time, I thought that when a woman has a caesarean, her number of babies is very limited. So I prayed to God that it wouldn't be a caesarean. I had no intention of limiting myself to one or two children because my mother had ten. I thought that even if we didn't reach ten, at least six or seven would be an interesting number. So it was a very powerful moment. When the nurse came out to tell me it had gone well, it was a breath of relief. And the fourth, which was also quite a powerful moment for me, was when I knew I'd have the ability to provide for my children's future. God graced us all the same. God has been merciful to us. God accepted our wishes to give us the means to ensure their education, in addition to their studies abroad. And then the fifth point is... I won't say the 10ᵉ, but I would say the 30ᵉ anniversary. Because the 30ᵉ birthday that coincides with my age of **. I tell myself we've been through a lot to reach these ** years, because it's known very young and we spent a lot of time together even before marriage. I met Yvonne when she was in Terminale and I was in my second year of university, at the beginning of my second year of university. So I can say that it's a long river we've followed to reach 30 years together, because anything could happen. I think the Good Lord has granted us many graces to get to 30 years. We also hope that God will give us more time to rest, to see our grandsons, to nurse our grandsons, to take long vacations and rest.
Yvonne: And our granddaughters! (Laughs)
Question 10: What's your favorite thing about X?
Yvonne: My favorite thing about Karim is his attention. He is very caring.
Karim: I think I have a lot of positive appreciation. But if I have to choose one, I would say: its beauty, both physical and moral.
Question 11: What are you most proud of as a couple?
Yvonne: I am proud because we were able to manage our marriage together, despite our ups and downs, without having to resort to our witnesses.
Karim: As a couple, I can say that I'm most proud of having given birth to six children. To have given them a good education. I can't say for the moment that it's a 100% success, but I give thanks to God and pray that the fruits of our love will succeed better than me, better than us.
Question 12: What's the best thing about marriage in general?
Yvonne: For me, the best aspect of marriage in general is the respect it provides, both for men and women. The joy of having children and raising them in a home together. And the stability it brings, for both parents and children.
Karim: I think we're part of an African society and we've inherited certain values. We're both products of a family, we're not products of celibacy. And we had an obligation to perpetuate the family. When you're an adult, you have to be responsible. And being responsible means, above all, being able to find a soulmate, then get married and provide for your offspring. Because you're single, everything you earn is for you alone. So the ideal is to be able to start a family and have children who will be your identity. We have a Mossi proverb that says: «Boang rogda a poore nan vousse». Which means «The donkey gives birth so that her back can rest.» When we were young and strong, we could do a lot of things, but it's not certain that when we're 70-90 years old, we'll still have that strength. And at that point, it's our children who will take care of us. So, if you're young and you don't think about that, who's going to take care of you during those times?
Question 13: How has your marriage evolved over the years?
Yvonne: Well, I'd say like any marriage, it's had its ups and downs, which is to be expected. We came from different backgrounds, so we didn't see things the same way. And we had to reconcile all that. So it's normal to have ups and downs. And once you've understood each other, things settle down. So, like any marriage, it had its ups and downs before stabilizing.
Karim: I agree with Yvonne. Even if we've been comrades, I think the ordeal of marriage is another stage in life. You get to know each other better, you learn to tolerate each other better. You discover more of each other's qualities and faults. You learn to be more accepting and tolerant. The first few moments are often turbulent, because there's a lot we discover about each other, and as a result, and it can't be completely rosy, it evolves in fits and starts to stabilize. Like Yvonne said.
Question 14: What are your hopes for the rest of your marriage?
Karim: After 30 years of marriage and with beautiful children, six children, I think our hope is to be able to live better the rest of our lives, which up to now have been full of sacrifices more for the benefit of the children than for ourselves. Because everything we did was for them. We didn't think much about ourselves. And so I say to myself that the rest of our lives is to be able to live better together in serenity, in love, in travel, and to enjoy ourselves on a daily basis. And also to admire the success of our children. To see them marry and build their homes. To nurse their children, before God calls us back.
Yvonne: I agree with my love (Laughs). What we want is to be able to live life to the full now, after so many sacrifices for our children. Well, it's not over yet, but already we can't think about ourselves anymore. We want to be able to travel and enjoy life together. Well, even if it's not all the time, all the time, let's still be able to schedule these moments just for the two of us. In any case, I hope that God will grant us this time in health and peace.
Question 15: Do you have any dream vacations you'd like to take together?
Karim: Of course! If the good Lord allows us, I think it would be to travel to paradise islands, by the sea, under coconut palms (Laughs). Living the dream life. Visit beautiful cities like Venice...
Yvonne: Karim would also like to see a nice football game in Italy…
Karim: Yes, to see some great European clubs play, because I've never been to one of their games. I studied in France, but I've never gone to watch a game in the stadium. So I'd like to follow some great games, like Real, Barcelona, Juventus and so on. And to experience the atmosphere of the matches in the stadium, not on TV.
Yvonne: J. and us had a bit of a plan. Karim was going to see his game, me, I was going to see the Pope and then we were going to visit Venice and all that. But that's all in the past.
Question 16: What advice would you give to your newly married self?
Karim: I think the first thing is: Be very determined. Because when you're very determined, you're safe from a lot of things. The second thing is: Trust yourself more. Because that's the key to success in any relationship. And the third element is to have much more willpower and ambition. That's also one of the key factors for success in life.
Yvonne: And since he's said almost everything, I'll just add: Much more love and care and tolerance.
Question 17: What was the best piece of advice you ever received, and from whom?
Karim: To tell the truth, before our wedding, we weren't lucky enough to have many people who rallied round to share their experience and advice with us. And especially after our wedding, there were a lot of ups and downs. It wasn't easy. But what I can be proud of is the education we received. Whether it's Yvonne's side or mine, I think we've all received a good education, which helps us in our life together. I'm the eldest of ten children, and that gave me a lot of values: consideration for human beings and care, simplicity and modesty. And the most important thing is generosity, which I inherited much more from my parents. My mother in particular. This generosity means that I don't put money above many things. I prefer to sacrifice myself for the benefit of others. And if these are the values that have been transposed into my family.
Yvonne: I'm going to go along with Karim. After that, as far as I'm concerned, we didn't really receive any external advice. So the values and principles we had already acquired, thanks to our parents, our upbringing, we just continued to apply them in our home and instilled them in our children.
Question 18: What practical things do couples need to prepare for in marriage?
Karim: I can say that every couple must expect to face adversity in their lives. Even on a professional level, there's always adversity. You have to have strong shoulders to be able to transcend all these adversities. Not everyone is out to get you, not everyone wants you to succeed. In life, you have friends as well as enemies and adversaries who only want to see you fail. We live in a society where people are always interested in others, where people are always jealous when someone succeeds. So you mustn't say to yourself: We're married, it's all over and then you can rest on your laurels, because you're going to face adversity that will eventually disturb your peace of mind. And you have to expect that people who see your union as a model will want to separate you at all costs. People who see the success of the husband or wife and want to stir up trouble. So you have to be prepared for all these trials in order to overcome them.
Question 19: How do you think couples should manage their finances?
Yvonne: Well, for me, it depends on the type of couple. If it's a couple where the husband is working and the wife is not. If the husband can take care of all the expenses, there's no problem. If he can't, he can give his wife a hand so that she can run a small business on the side to support him. But in a couple where both men and women work. I'd say that the big expenses still fall on Mr. and Mrs. can give you a hand. If not, I'd say to myself that normally there are certain expenses for me that fall to the man, but it's not out of the question for the wife to make a contribution too. Because, in any case, the home and the couple are basically the two of them. The children are both of them. So as long as she can do something too, I think it would be good.
Karim: I think the values I've received in my life are first and foremost: love and managing people. I've always had a heavy responsibility, I've always been educated to manage my loved ones, to manage brothers, to manage families. I've always been educated to be a responsible man. For this reason, when it came to married life, I didn't really need any particular contribution from the wife as such. And there's a proverb that says: «The beginning of harvest ceremonies in common fields is already apprehended by the quality of the zoom koom.» To say that, as soon as we were young, when we were simply comrades, friends, I never favored money more than love. When I was a student, I did everything I could to please Yvonne with the little I had. When I was working. I did everything to please her. Either buy her a motorcycle, or offer her anything she might need without asking for a contribution. And when we set up the home too, I took on the responsibility of taking care of everything, as long as God gave me the strength. I didn't care if she was a millionaire or a billionaire. It was my commitment from the start that counted. Her millions would come back to her, her billions would come back to her. But I always sacrifice myself to respect the vows I made from the start. That means living up to them and being able to provide for all their needs.
Question 20: How important is the physical bond in marriage?
Yvonne: (Laughs)
Karim: Well I’ll answer you! I think the physical connection is very important. You have to share a bilateral intimacy. It must be reciprocal. You must be able to please your wife and vice versa. So it’s win-win and it also strengthens love. It gives a lot of fulfillment. And it also relaxes the atmosphere from time to time when it’s tense (Laughs).
Yvonne: The physical bond is very important because it brings stability, if I may say so. So I don't think I'd say that's why you're married, but it's one of the things you're married for. So I don't think you should abstain.
Question 21: How should a couple handle conflicts related to parenting styles?
Karim: As I said at the outset, we've all benefited from different upbringings. I in particular come from a family that didn't really have any means to begin with, because my father was a security guard, then a taxi-driver, and so on. That gave us a minimal education. Or at least not a minimal education, but that means that everything we did was with the few means we had. Meals were not provided in the morning, noon, and evening. In terms of family life, everyone did practically the same job. This meant that whether you were a boy or a girl, everyone did the housework. There wasn't one job for girls and another for boys. Myself, as my mom's eldest child and the eldest of ten brothers and sisters, I even did the cooking. But the one thing I didn't do, she didn't give me the opportunity to hold the wood so I could make the tô. Because according to them, it's not good for boys. If you've been taught to live with what little you've got, to live thanks to your work, because you have to know that, outside school, we also went out to the fields, we sold pancakes, we did a bit of everything. So it gave us a certain education, which is completely different from the one my wife received. She was born with a gold or diamond spoon in her mouth. But I was born with a daba around my neck. So you see, we came from different molds. When you have children, everyone tries to favor their own internal model. At home, for example, at school, you had no choice but to succeed, because when you get a bad mark, you know what's coming. You're going to get beaten up, you're going to lose your teeth.(Laughs) So we weren't cajoled. It was rigor, firmness, the whip. So all that means that, when there are children, you have to put it all together. I'm not saying that you have to inculcate all these values in children, because you don't live in the same era, but we do give priority to the right values. That means rigor to succeed and also the values of religious belief, the child's ability outside school to do other things with his ten fingers. But I think that between the two of you, you need to draw the most important values from each of your respective families, and the most appropriate ones at the time, to pass on to your children. Without losing sight of belief in God, hard work, determination and the will to succeed. Learn not to depend on anyone and love a job well done.
Yvonne: I'd say that conflicts over parenting styles do exist, but I think it's important for parents to overcome them for the sake of their children. As I said earlier, we don't necessarily see things in the same way. When it comes to religion, for example, I'm more in favor of allowing everyone to follow the religion in which he/she feels most comfortable. I'm also of the opinion that we shouldn't be too strict. Because as people say, you can force the dog to lie down, but you can't force it to close its eyes. So that's that. So apart from that, I think that everything else we can, with understanding and tolerance, acceptance, put all together for the good of the children.
Question 22: What's the best way to make up after an argument?
Yvonne: Make the other person a nice meal, whether it's the lady or the gentleman, or treat yourself to a nice restaurant, a nice outing, or a good movie for those who like movies. Go dancing, and share a good moment of intimacy (Laughs).
Karim: Well, I think that when the atmosphere is tense, you have to find ways and means of easing it. Either with a little gift, an invitation to a restaurant, or even kind words about the other person. And don't keep your distance when you're intimate.
Question 23: What's the most important thing to know as a husband/wife?
Karim: I think it's having a great depth of love and being very self-sacrificing and attentive to the children's success. Not being afraid to make sacrifices to provide for all the family's needs.
Yvonne: For me, it's knowing that you're loved, that you're unique, and that someone is faithful to you.
Question 24: What role should friends, extended family, and community play in your marriage?
Yvonne: Oh, me. I don’t necessarily see the role they should play in your marriage. Marriage is up to you to shape and perfect as you wish.
Karim: I think it's up to us to forge our marriage, not friends and extended families. Well, often we can ask the most sincere people for advice. But I think marriage is so sacred that you have to do everything you can to keep as much as possible between you. Because you may share certain things with friends who may become enemies one day, or relatives who may have animosity towards you one day and it may backfire.
Yvonne: Yes, close relatives can also give advice.
Question 25: How should a couple manage housework and other household chores?
Yvonne: As far as I'm concerned, housework and other chores should be managed by both of us. Even if the man doesn't have the time all the time, he could help out a bit to let his wife know that he's there and appreciates her efforts.
Karim: For my part, I don't think it's a problem for the man to help his wife with household chores. As far as possible, if I can contribute to certain tasks, I won't hesitate. But it's hard because I'm so busy that I don't have much time to do it. Otherwise, I'd be happy to do it, because I've been brought up to do any kind of work. Even when I was a student, I washed dishes and worked in restaurants. So where I come from, there isn't one job for men and another for women. You have to know how to live together and give each other a hand for the success of the household.
Question 26: What's the best way to show your appreciation to your partner?
Karim: I think you have to be very caring and attentive. When you live together, you have to know how to make remarks, which are very much appreciated. If the wife, the lovely wife, has changed her hairstyle, I think you have to admire that. In the same way, if she's worn a nice outfit, you have to appreciate that too. It shows you care, and she'll be pleased.
Yvonne: Yes, well, it's like Karim says, little gifts, little flowers. And then, of course, point out any changes.
Karim: And also knowing what the other person likes. You're lucky to have a mom who loves *. So I don't hesitate at every opportunity. If I travel, I bring some back for her. The same goes for the *. Well, when I can afford it, I never hesitate. I know she can refuse everything except the * and the *. (Laughs)
Yvonne: That's my guilty pleasure (Laughs).
Question 27: What limits should couples set themselves in their marriage?
Karim: I think the most important thing is not to disrespect each other or be violent. Don't use words that offend each other or their families. Because when you disrespect someone's family, it's like hurting them personally.
Yvonne: Don't insult each other or quarrel in front of the children.
Karim: That's it! Especially in front of the kids, in front of friends. Even if you have disagreements, no matter how big or small, don't act out. Try to control yourself when you're out in public and settle things afterward behind closed doors.
Question 28: How do you cope in difficult times?
Karim: I think that in very difficult times. What prevails is to believe in God. Believe in God, believe in His generosity, believe in His ability to enable you to overcome these trials. In difficult times, we must also believe that everything is possible. There are ups and downs in life and do not let yourself sink when you encounter a difficulty. And always tell yourself that tomorrow will be better. And do not get carried away by these events that may happen. Because if there is a particular problem and you can’t relativize it, it can rub off on your mutual moods.
Yvonne: If there's a problem between you, you just have to admit you're wrong and apologize.
Karim: You have to be humble. And apologize when you're wrong. You mustn't say to yourself, I'm the man, I'm the head of the family, I'm the one who brings all the means, I mustn't ask for forgiveness. I think that in everything, even if you're right, know how to ask for forgiveness because the other person will realize later that he or she was in the wrong and will think very highly of you because you have great humility.
Question 29: What do you do when you're going through a period when you don't feel very much in love?
Karim: Hm... I think the question isn't very illustrative. But what I can say is that in married life, after 30 years together, it can't be the same as when you were younger, at 18 or 20, it's a bit different, and as age goes on, I think everyone's libido goes down a bit too. But when we always give each other consideration and attention, that's a very positive and noble side too. In a relationship, it's not just intimacy, but there are many more values to be shared together. It's also being able to sit down together, chat, tell each other stories from the past, and remember the good times. That is what keeps the love alive.
Yvonne: And married life isn't just about sex either, I mean, it's a whole package in fact. It's also about remembering good times...
Karim: And just because you’re getting older doesn't mean we shouldn't take each other out. Depending on the situation and the circumstances, we're always ready to go for lunch together, have fun going out, visit people, go for a walk, or share a meal and chat together. I can add that as an entrepreneur, there are some really tough times. Some of the failures we experience can make us not want to do a lot of things. But I think that often, when you communicate easily, she can detect these moments of difficulty. And she can respond in her own way and help you get back on track, and vice versa. It can also be the wife who often has her difficulties. And you, as the husband, have to help her get back on track in one way or another.
Question 30: What is your main advice for a successful marriage?
Karim: My main advice is to choose someone out of love, not out of interest. Choose someone out of love and give yourself to the person. I'd add a second, which is to rely on God for everything you do, and to choose someone who believes in God, who has the fear of God.
Yvonne: I'd say the same thing as Karim: choose someone out of love. Because if love is there, everything is there. And then someone who has the fear of God. Someone who has the fear of God, won't lie to you, will be transparent, will be faithful to you, will tell you the truth, and won't put money above you. Choosing someone out of love...
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