Hello! I hope you're all doing well. 6 months ago, I published a review of «The Amazing Development of Men: Every Man's Journey from Knight to King.» At that time, reading this book allowed me to have a better understanding of the surrounding men, whether it is my family members, my friends, and of course my lovers. But by trying to understand others, I realize that I didn't fully understand myself. As the saying goes, charity begins at home. That’s why I choose to read, Understanding Women: Unlock the Mystery written by the same author. And I'm 100% satisfied with what I've learned. I hope this summary will help you have a better understanding of yourself if you're a woman and if you're a man, to have a better understanding of the women in your life. Thanks for joining me.
Diffuse Awareness and Multitasking:
I remember having a discussion with my father about the ability of women to do many things at the same time. As women, we have what we called a ‘diffuse awareness’. Diffuse means pour in every direction, and this is what gives a woman her awareness of her environment and all the things in it.
Diffuse is not multi-focus, it is no focus. Having diffuse awareness triggers a great expense of energy for a woman to be focused. Women's diffuse thinking is what gives us an awareness of our environment. That is how and why we can do more things at the same time than men can.
Our awareness of our environment comes in the form of it talking to us. And it is all these voices that cause multitasking. We don't choose to multitask; we are pulled to. Note that for a diffuse awareness person, touch becomes the loudest thing in her environment. So when talking to a woman, keep physical contact (with her permission of course). It's the best way to get and keep her attention.
How do women communicate?
Women and men can be perceived as gatherers and hunters. As a gatherer, talking actually protects the woman by chewing the quitters. A woman is compelled to pay attention to what we call berry markers. This is the time and place of everything important and significant that happens. It is almost impossible for a woman to tell you about something that matters to her without giving you the time and place. This level of detail is something that a woman is compelled to remember and tell. And when she doesn't, it simply means that she does not trust you enough. Men don't work this way. Not only do men listen to the point, but they also speak the point. And this lack of details is perceived by the gatherer as a lack of confidence.
Imagine a gatherer, with a huge basket. And she goes out into life and starts filling her basket with thoughts, feelings, interactions, and experiences. At the end of the day/week, she is going to need to empty it. This is called the meadow report. For most women, 'how are you?' will trigger a meadow report. 'How was your day?' is one of the most generous questions you can ask to a woman. That's an invitation for a meadow report. It will be generous if you're a man in a gatherer's life to listen to the meadow report and hold the bucket, as she's just emptying it. Try to hold it until she is done and ask her if there is anything she wants you to remember, that's the part you want to keep. As a woman try to limit your meadow report. This way you'll be able to keep your man's attention longer.
Adversarial relationship
Testosterone causes a huge difference between men and women. This difference makes women feel physically smaller and weaker. And being physically smaller and weaker:
Causes women to constantly monitor their safety,
It makes us dependent. Instinctively we feel dependent, rationally not,
It causes us to look for a provider and protector who is bigger and stronger and has more resources than us.
Note that anywhere there is dependence, there is an adversarial relationship. Which leads sometimes to manipulation. And when a woman feels that she cannot make a man do what she wants him to do, she will start perceiving him as a threat. And so, will try to reduce his power, to 'emasculate' him.
As the physically smaller and weaker gender, we're compelled to please our provider and protector. We're constantly monitoring not only our physical safety but whether or not you (men) are pleased. This is because we are afraid that when danger shows up at that moment, you won't save us. This is because we don't know if we can rely on your honor. Which by definition is doing the right thing no matter how you feel about it. And it's a distinguished male quality, that women rarely have.
The veadow:
Both men and women are part feminine and some masculine. Note that, femininity and masculinity have nothing to do with sexuality. Feminity can be defined as a drive to create beauty. Unfortunately, in our society femininity is sometimes devalued. And this causes a huge problem in relationships.
Veadow power goes with accountability for providing and protecting. Whoever has this accountability whether male or female will veadow any ideas or desire that threatens their ability to provide and protect. Unfortunately, the veadow kills off partnership. To avoid the worst effect of the veadow, learn what veadow land is for the people in your life so that you can avoid the things that will threaten them and cause that reaction.
The 'ideal' woman
The ideal woman is the perfect image we create in our minds. An image of the woman we think we need to be. The ideal woman tells us how to be more pleasing to our provider and protector. We don't check in with our provider and protector, we check in with the ideal woman. And then we self-criticize by comparing ourselves to her. Women are externally motivated for two reasons:
Criticism tells me how they need to be,
My environment tells me what they need to do.
As a woman, appreciation makes them feel safe because of what they do. Appreciation for who they are and how they are regardless of what they do sets them free to be themselves. A woman always needs to be the most pleasing. Criticism does not change a man as it does for a woman, it just causes distance. It takes a lot of courage for a woman to ask for criticism, to ask for feedback. Still, there is no way to criticize a woman without upsetting or embarrassing her. So when she asks you for feedback, here are some tips:
Start with a compliment,
Then say: There is something I need from you,
Finally: Now that I told you what I need from you, what do you need to give me what I need?
Women and feelings
Women have a very strong spiritual connection. This spiritual connection compels women, give them a passion for creating beauty in life, both physical beauty and what we called noble qualities. These are qualities a woman is the most passionate about and wants everybody in her life to have. A woman's feelings exist in the center of her being. They can be perceived as a fully-fledged organ. When happiness fills her feeling up it drives a path that goes throughout her entire body. But when a woman's feelings are hurt, this organ crushes and the happiness and life that traveled through that path does not happen anymore. And now 'death' travel through the same path and shuts down the entire system. This opens her up to what the author calls: the 'rage' monster.
How to reboot a woman
If you want to reboot a woman, use these words: 'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings'. Note that you don't have to be wrong to say it. And for women, remember that you man using these words is usually generosity. He's been willing to take full responsibility for something that at the most is only partly his fault. Finally, don't touch a woman in the grip of the rage monster until she touches you or asks you to do so. As a woman, learn to apologize for the things you said when you were in the grip of the rage monster. Because your man may still be affected by them.
What nurtures a woman's femininity
For a woman, Needs met = Qualities she can be. Some of the most woman's common needs are:
Continuous sleep,
Being heard,
Being touched,
Be delighted.
Women need time alone, but not too much. They need time with the special people in their lives that bring something out of them that they cherish. They also need putter time. They need those moments at home alone when they can just let diffuse awareness run wild without having to produce results. Remember that femininity is correlated with timelessness, with the Eternal so if you want a woman to be able to be as feminine as she can be, she needs to have plenty of time. The moment a woman has a deadline, she has to be masculine.
meadow: a woman's environment
to zone out: doing something that so engages us that it actually tunes out the rest of the world.
berry markers: how the gatherers remember the time and place of everything that is worth noting.
honor: doing the right thing no matter how you feel about it.
puttering: diffuse awareness unlimited.
Sources:
It took me weeks to write this post. Not because we are so complicated that I can't even understand us (as a friend of mine told me lol) but because there was so much information. I wanted to give you the best I can and I had a hard time choosing what to keep and what to leave out. But in the end, I came up with a pretty good result, and I hope this can help you. That said, this is just a taste of what you can learn by reading the book itself. So if you feel like it, don't hesitate.
This is by the way our first post of 2023 and I wish you and your loved ones a Happy New Year. May this year be better than the past. Thank you for keep reading and supporting my work. I'm grateful. May God bless you, and take care.
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